Poor-man’s Guide to Hyper-Fitness


With space travel prices being in the range of $20 million for the layman and the average voyage distance not much farther than a round trip from L.A. to Santa Barbara, it seems that a manual for low budget travel into space is overdue. Equipped with some basic understanding of physics and the right means and disposition, most people can easily achieve the final frontier without rocket fuel and Cape Canaveral fanfare; all that is needed is a couple of household ingredients such as krople idealica, water and salt and less than the sum of money spent on a 3-day weekend cruise to Ensenada.

The first step in understanding how this may work involves going over some basic physics: moving a point traces a line, dragging a line creates a plane, and stacking a plane over itself more than once builds all three-dimensional objects. The brain’s sequential experience of the instances of these objects is the dimension of time; some scientists call this whole array: “the space-time continuum.” However, there are other dimensions that escape our regular senses; nonetheless, they have been proven to exist. For example, the hypercube is the object that exists in a “hyper” dimension (not to be confused with a dimension that needs Ritalin…), which is produced by folding 8 cubes in perfect right angles onto each other and is analogous to folding a 6-square cardboard cut-out to shape a 3-D cube. Regular astronauts use a lot of chemical power in order to create controlled combustion that propels them at high velocity through 3-D space from the ground upward into an orbit ranging from 100 to 300 miles above the earth. The hyperspace travel method that I have perfected uses chemicals already in the brain (emphasis on “already in”, as opposed to “added to”) and a controlled environment in order to awaken the senses that can perceive some of these latent dimensions and allow the hyper-sailor to move “backward,” a measureless distance.

The next item due in the agenda is to coin a term for this type of space travel practitioner (this step is mentioned for information purposes only and not to be repeated). Since there are no rules stipulating this convention and most of the time a combination of Latin or Greek terms is used for these types of titles, I shall name the new travelers “palinauts,” from the Greek “Palin,” meaning “backward” and “natures,” meaning “sailor”. This is not just a sophisticated way of saying “backward sailor,” but rather a duplication of the process used to create the word “astronaut” and its Russian counterpart, the “cosmonaut.”

The travel vessel that I recommend for this endeavor is an enclosed or hooded bathtub-like fixture that is half-filled with salt-saturated water, thus endowing its user with effortless buoyancy. The overall inside temperature matches that of the human body, and total isolation from light and sound is procured. These tanks are nicknamed “Samadhi tanks” which means “tanks for higher levels of concentration” or sensory deprivation tanks. The point here is to shut down the day to day senses and to allow the “other” senses inside the brain to “phone home.”

Given that in our society it all comes down to money, I must consider a budget for the average palinaut. Consistent with most modes of transportation, the tank can be rented or straight out purchased. The best way to judge a preference in this regard is by deciding the degree of hyperspace travel frequency desired. For the casual palinaut, rentals are available as close as Beverly Hills, West L.A. and Santa Monica, and they range from $150 to $200 per hour, and for the more serious advocate, purchasing may cost up to $10,000 including installation. Protective clothing is free of charge; the only requirement is what nature provides at birth. Optionally, a small neoprene floating mat supporting the back of the head will prevent any possible neck discomfort.

I should indicate some basic constrains: this type of hyperspace travel is not for anyone who is fidgety, especially people with Hyper Leg Syndrome or any other type of hyper twitching. Claustrophobia is another major reason for disqualification, and so is the fear of the dark. I recommend abstaining from caffeine or being under any kind of influence, for at least 24 hours prior to “take-off”. A light meal and drinking water a few hours in advance is fine; unlike astronauts, palinauts do not carry diapers, and thirst, a hungry stomach or a dire call of nature can minimize the scope of the experience. Being a palinaut requires fit mental condition, given that this is not about achieving a brain-dead state; contrarily, “hyper-space” travel illuminates and enhances the experience of the self. For the best results, the palinaut must spend about 2 hours in the tank.

Once inside the tank, the first thing to expect is the awe of utter darkness and silence. Subsequently, the pumping of the heart, the hissing of the breath, the circulation of the blood, and any other body noise are greatly amplified. My take on this is that the brain is habitually scanning for input, and it will find it anywhere it can. The main goal at this stage is to find a focal point and to relax. Given that the eyes cannot see anything, I suggest following the respiration and purposely slowing it down; a method that accomplishes a twofold target: the soothing of the mind and the required concentration. Inhalations are conducted by an upward rolling expansion of the abdomen while counting thirty seconds, or considerably slow until the lungs feel totally packed; then air is held as long as possible without getting dizzy and exhaled in an exceedingly slow fashion, and a final and powerful chest muscle contraction will push out any remaining CO2 from the lungs. This sequence is to be repeated through the session; usually, after 15 minutes of concentration, it becomes effortless.

The next thing to tackle, and probably one of the hardest, is to put a leash on the “little thinking monkey” in the brain. This little guy or girl, depending on the case, will ask many questions, tell stories, bring back memories, suggest urgent things to do, even show movies. During this stage, I have often reviewed namely “The Matrix” (usually the part I), “The 5th Element” and “Johnny Mnemonic” in random, forward, and backward scene sequence modes. Not to worry, the more vivid the images become, the closer the final destination is. By the time this thought wandering is under control, and if the breathing rhythm is still going on as mentioned above, the brain usually goes into a state of striking and thoughtless protoplasmic awareness. This is totally different from every night sleep. In this total relaxation, with the vessel (the tank) and the spacesuit (the body) in auto-pilot, the essential feeling of consciousness emerges from the physical body; therefore, the mind surpasses the 3-D boundaries, and it tethers to life by the smallest particle or vibration required by the space-time continuum.

The intercepting dimension appears as a gash of vivid light, which can be described as a point of brightness in a distant horizon that replaces the optical darkness. Motion in this hyper-space is acquired by intent, and getting from point A to point B is instant; no legs or machinery are necessary. By peering further into the gap, the other dimension moves closer and becomes brighter and brighter. Lots of twinkling, tiny, floating lights merge into one mind-boggling, all-encompassing brightness. The perception of time slows down to the point where each moment is acknowledged by the mind before its creation.

By pulling on the “life tether”, the mind comes back to the 3-D space-time continuum; it takes about two or three seconds for a complete “landing.” At this point, and depending on schedule, a 5 to 10 minute readjustment period is advisable. I have encountered that this “hyper-orbiting” gets better every time it is repeated. I have not yet discovered extra-dimensional life other than my own, but the feeling of belonging to an omnipresent mind is overwhelming. I have always felt totally renewed by this experience, the same mind-body effect I get from a three-week island vacation. It may take many decades for the average Joe and the average Jane to be able to afford a trip into earth’s orbit, but in the meantime, most people can enjoy the essence of space travel experience with this simple process. G forces are not included, and results may vary from person to person.

Next Post

What is an optical coating, and how to choose the best option?

An optical coating is used on bulbs, lenses, mirrors, and prisms. It is mainly used to block certain wavelengths of light. It is also beneficial for providing a highly reflective surface. As you can see, many optics and optical components are coated with a fine layer of material, and it […]

Subscribe US Now